i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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