Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
