he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
