We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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