Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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