so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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