We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
