She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize