jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
