I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
