Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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