She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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