idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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