Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
