dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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