I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
