It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
