blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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