last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Randomize
