we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
