to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
