Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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