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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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