so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
May the power of my ass compel you!!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
