im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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