someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
