Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
