i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
