She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize