it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
