I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
