There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
