he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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