im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
