If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
