do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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