I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
