best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
