Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize