You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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