"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
