Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
