You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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