I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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