is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
