just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
