a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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