somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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