Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
