There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
