i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize