girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
