and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
