you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize