is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
