Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
