the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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