3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
