Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize