could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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