the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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