Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
