oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
