I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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