Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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