no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
