just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
should my penis look like a turkey
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
