I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
