CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
