Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize