so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize